Say hi to this lil' fellow here, which merges the timeless curves and two-tone wattage of the 1957 Corvette with the humble efficiency of another American classic, the Chrysler K-car. It's the only one ever made, which shows remarkable restraint on the part of its mystery creator.
Witness how gracefully that splotch of red, like Terminator's eyeball, recesses into those 15-inch wire hubcaps, handcrafted from the finest Autozone-licensed factory in Hangzhou. Marvel at the Dodge script on the fenders! Somewhere out there, a La Femme is driving around tricking people into believing it's a Toyota. The interior is bucket-of-blood red, much like the cuts you'll receive after your wife throws a vase at your head when she discovers you spent a year of your child's tuition on bringing this home. But what luxury! The grille is not, in fact, made from torn-up Mylar balloons, but it seems to recall the 1954 Chrysler-Ghia Special G1, or possibly a cheese grater that spends more time shredding sponges than Parmigiano Reggiano. And speaking of cheese ...
"This car started out in life as a 1985 Dodge 600 convertible Mopar," brags the seller, which leads us to believe that "Mopar" was included only through an exhausting bout of search engine-optimized word association. He goes on: "The same body and drivetrain as the Chrysler LeBaron." THE LeBaron? It is surely not a Chevrolet Corvette, which is a product manufactured by the General Motors Corp. during the indistinct years of "1956 1957 1958 1959 1960 era … but to me looks a little like those old show cars from the '50s and '60s."
We can imagine the sort of person who drives this car: a Mr. Magoo type, or maybe Hans Moleman from "The Simpsons." For him, it's the perfect dream car. Everybody stares at it, he reassures himself, and that's really all that matters. "What is that?" the kids will run up and ask him at Arco. "A Thunderbird? A 1950s or early 1960s Ferrari? A 1956 1957 1958 1959 1960 Corvette?" No, the man smiles quietly to himself, turning down the Tom Jones on his Philco FM stereo, it's none of those — but what do you kids know, these days?
"I'd teach you," he says, slowly, surely, "but I'd have to charge."
Click here if the Craigslist ad goes down, which it surely will when it sells in the next 10 minutes at full price.