We're Declaring War On Teasers

You're sick of it too, aren't you? The endless array of dimly-lit shots of a car's roofline, a close-up of a headlight, maybe a grille here and there — how secretive! How mysterious! How dramatic! Car companies love to give us teaser shots before the auto show's big unveil. It generates "buzz," rakes in "keywords" and "SEO hits" and other quotation-ensconced nonsensical terms created by a slick 30-something marketing executive who does too many Jager Bombs on a Tuesday to be taken seriously. (Not that us writers are one to judge. We prefer Dalwhinnie 15.)

Teasers operate under the assumption that if we're led with bated breath, we'll keep piecing together every bit of the puzzle in daily news roundups to remind you that yes, the 2014 Toyota Highlander will be mildly refreshed next week. We play the manufacturers' game when we do so, creating content and interest and those vaunted SEO hits every time we find out that the 2014 Camaro will receive a new grille but not much else. Rolls-Royce, for example, played the game perfectly before Geneva by releasing first a line drawing, then a smoky sketch, then a silhouette with the lights turned up. Guess what? It worked — and it only made us more disappointed when we saw that the real Wraith was just a brown Ghost wearing a backpack. (And yes, we were just as guilty of it too, judging by the above links.)

Well, we're sick of teasers. We're not playing this game anymore. We can't get any more information out of the 2014 Scion tC teaser than you can. And if having a little fun in the face of teaser absurdity damages our credibility, we'll take that hit.

So we're playing by our own rules — we'll still bring you whatever information they choose to send us before the auto show, but everything else is up for grabs. If you're desperate to catch a glimpse of some random outline, you'll have no trouble finding it on the myriad automotive news blogs that pop up, like daisies after a shower, during auto show season. And judging by the information some companies give us beforehand, it's all speculation anyway — though we did find out through Scion that the next tC will indeed have side mirrors.

We only wish we had thought of this before Geneva.